2024-04-01
Coulda Fooled Me

The conspicuous cellphone company brags about not owning any towers. It's true; instead, they have handshakes with the alpha copany and, for future use, the high-tea company. So they wax very expressive about all the products and services you can get at lower costs. Well, maybe.

At least their spokesguy does take you on an interesting (for such a mundane company) tour of HQ. (Assuming you ain't acrophobic. And can duck walk.) And since they target the 55+ market, you'd think I might be interested. Only I'm pretty unimpressed by the end of the ad. Actually, almost from the start, but I'll get to that as I end this article.

See, they've been located - intentionally, I'd assume - for almost 30 years in a small suburban town of about 55,000 people. And that choice of  location certainly shows up in their commersh. Wherein they show at least 40 staff members, at their jobs and in a staff group photo. (Wow, when did they do it, that they could afford to have that many staff NOT on the job?)

And boy howdy, is one fact blatantly obvious through the commercial. 'Cuz, unless I'm totally missing something, they have only a meager handful of black staff members. Not one of whom got even one non-chorus (yeah, everyone got to holler a group "hi" at you one time) line, which might've meant additional money, folks. And only one of whom got to sit in the bottom (front) half of the photo "bleachers" where he could be clearly seen even by people like me with age-related loss of visual acuity. Naturally, being in a suburb with only 1.3% black population could account for that. But again, they chose to HQ there. Plus which, they're only about 15 minutes away from the state's megacity that's 5.9% black in a population of at least 645,000 (bigger than the next four or five large cities combined), so definitely a bigger labor pool to draw from if you actually want to.

But even that employment inequity didn't seem quite as blatant compared to, for example, the ads by the guy I definitely do not get my pillows from.

No, the script (which coulda worked with minor mods) already had me disinclined. From about 10 seconds into the 2-minute advert. When the spokesguy first insults me as possibly being too stupid to know a good deal when I see one; then offers to give me, and I quote, "a minute" to smarten up. And then only gives me 4 lousy seconds! If I can't even trust the dude to be honest about how much time he's gonna give me, why should I trust his company to be honest about anything it says it's gonna give me?

Just askin'.

email your feedback with ADDING INSULT and the entry date as the subject

BACK TO TOP

Switch to Abiding Blog
Switch to Aphor/Memes

Go to Newer Entries
There are no newer entries

-------------

Entries During
2023-2024

2024-04-01 Coulda Fooled Me

2024-03-01 Classless Act

2024-02-01 Eww de Toilette

2024-01-03 Doggies Do


2023-01-02 Heads Up

-------------

Go to Older Entries
2021-2022
2019-2020
2017-2018
2015-2016
2013-2014
2011-2012

Switch to Abiding Blog
Switch to Aphor/Memes

2024-03-01
Classless Act

Alan's obsessed with his new bike. I mean REALLY obsessed. Seems to bring it into every conversation. Such as when he gently brags about his new acquisition to his three workmates sitting around the table at the sidewalk cafe he rode up to. And yeah, that could get old.

Still, they make sure to remind him that his workplace is the nation's #1 motorcycle insurer. [ASIDE] Note that they don't ID by what criterion it's considered #1. So let's guess: Number of policies sold? Dollar amount of policies sold? Size of sales force? Highest profit margin? Number of claims paid? Number of claims denied? Most customer kudos? Most customer complaints? Highest ROI for investors? Etc. Who knows? How slippery. Like an Orient* on an oil slick. [/ASIDE] After which, his most curmudgeonly colleague gets on his case about wedging his new ride into everything. By which we assume she means verbally, not physically (though some doubt is raised later on.) Which he, of course, doesn't think he does.

Cut to an art gallery. (Or whatever it is. And why would he be there now with his team leader? Both of them still in their company togs?) Where he and she are gazing at an abstract painting consisting of a mottled tan rectangle covering the top half of the canvas and a mottled gray rectangle covering the bottom half. Which, he tells her, reminds him of his bike. She doesn't say anything, but she certainly gives him one of those looks.

Cut to a man-on-the-street interview, him with an out-of-frame reporter's mike in his face, talking about the wolf he spotted in the neighborhood. OK, I can dig that. We have such wildlife in Chicago. Coyotes, coywolves, and wolves. Mostly in the forest preserves. But caught on camera, during the pandemic lockdown, even loping through the Loop without a care in the world. But unlike our obsessor, I don't think anyone ever compared one to their new motorcycle...which "Have you seen it, by the way?"

Cut to grandma's birthday party. Where he presents her with a cake decorated, you guessed it, with a motorcycle. To which his wife(?), sister(?), hired caregiver(?) responds "Really?" (And why is the curmudgeonly colleague there with him? Both of them still in their company togs?)

Oh look, back to the art gallery (Has a TARDIS, too, does he?), where he starts explaining in depth why the painting reminds him of his bike. Oh, poor put-upon Flo. Or so her expression tells us.

One more cut, to him showing up at the very posh party his third colleague is throwing in his very fancy digs with his very beautiful wife. The naive colleague who's repeatedly, mercilessly ridiculed by almost everyone he works with. (Except the first time they all visited his home and were flabbergasted at its size, how gorgeous and loving his wife was, and all the celebs he had there.)

Said young man welcomes Alan with a huge smile and wide-open door. Until Alan introduces his plus-one. And yeah, you guessed it, it's the motorcycle. At which point, his host slams the door in his face.

It was actually halfway humorous up to that point. But then it ticked me off. After all, if anyone should've had some semblance of sympathy for Alan's naive plight - which isn't gonna last forever, after all, 'cuz the "new" is gonna wear off sometime - shouldn't it be the guy who has to put up with that kind of sarcastic abuse every day himself?

Just sayin'.

Oh, and for the second time in three months, there's another commersh kudo with a relationship to this month's ad takedown here. But once again, you'll have to go to this month's Abiding Blog to read about it. In an opposite take from this article, it's about a real class act.

*First ever USA production motorcycle.

email your feedback with ADDING INSULT and the entry date as the subject

BACK TO TOP

2024-02-01
Eww de Toilette

Hey, she's a pretty handy gal. Uses an app to determine what's wrong with her toilet and how to fix it. Has the tank uncovered and everything. And is told it's a minor issue and she can fix it now and be done with it.

By gum, she's "Done!" that fast. In one fell swoop. Well, not quite yet. But even before she actually fixes the chain, she starts singing "We fixed this toilet on video!" And for all I know, she got transported to an alien starship or something. 'Cuz she's suddenly surrounded by eighteen spinning dancers in floofy white skirts. And - we see from above - the toilet is sitting off-center in a mandala of some sort.

After which she actually fixes the chain. And then, and I kid you not, she opens the bowl's seat cover. And flushes the toilet (begging the question: where's all the water going?). And stands right next to it the whole time.

At which point, I have to question not only her smarts but whether the guy on the phone has any, either? 'Cuz he doesn't bat an eye as she stands there. Doesn't advise her to close the seat cover, turn her back, or at least close her mouth.

Come on, expert, the toilet seat is covered with a lid for more  reasons than just to sit on. The rush of flush actually aerosolizes some of the tainted water and spews it up and out about six feet. There was no reason to lift the cover in the first place. Get it together. Put the seat cover down. (OR if there is no cover: Quickly step away. Turn your back. At least cover your face. 'Cuz you can wash off your hands easier and better than you can wash out your eyes, mouth, nose, throat, and lungs).

So, no way! Shut the front door. EWW!

P.S. General quibble: The "experts" in this cluster of fix-it adverts - the three I've seen so far, anyway - are all dudes. Why couldn't they have shown at least one being female?

email your feedback with ADDING INSULT and the entry date as the subject

BACK TO TOP

2024-01-03
Doggies Do

Nice to be back again, so let's just jump right into it.

She saved so much money on her car insurance - with the statuesque insurance company, of course, 'cuz there's the mascot back there over her right shoulder - that she started a small business. Dog walking. Easy. Nothing to be nervous about. After all, it's just walking, right?

Yeah. So she's on the waterside boardwalk with five varied sitting dogs in leashed harnesses. And one little tyke held in her left arm. Well behaved, they seem. As well they should be.

After all, most dog-walking services regularly require by contract that the dog being walked - more than just not being all aggressive - is responsive to (a) a call to return and (b) a calming technique. Always.

Especially when encountering not only other humans and canines but also felines, <--- Leporidae, and rodents. Especially -- oh, my! -- the dreaded, demoniacally addictive, must-chase Sciurus --->.

So, what are the warning flags? Well, let's see: The leashes are attached to the harnesses on the spine side. Not the best connection, as distractive control is much easier with leashes attached on the chest side. Then there's the number of dogs, especially for an inexperienced dog walker. To say nothing of the disparate sizes. Along with which, how does carrying a dog constitute "walking" it

All of these idiocies can probably be chalked up to the fact that - with a mere $700 to invest in her business start-up - she obviously didn't have anything to invest in expert training, an internship, or even consultative advice. I'm surprised if it even paid for registering and licensing her business, getting bonded and liability insurance, and developing a website, business cards, and contracts. But what do I know?

Oh, wait, I DO know. During my decade in a minority small business development corporation (which she could've obviously used), rising to Director of Education & Training, I even wrote three books on starting your own small business: on business planning, management, and financials. When Reaganomics dictated that minority small businesses were no longer of any importance (talk about defunding civic agencies!), at least one of the Small Business Administration programs picked up the three books and used them until changes in technology and business models made them obsolete. Oh, well.

Anyway, back at the commersh, you can guess things were about to come apart. And sure enough, a bunny* comes slowly hopping along the boardwalk. Which is ridiculous in and of itself; 'cuz I don't care how urbanized a wild bunny is, it ain't gonna willingly approach a pack of dogs, with or without human in tow. Especially not on a large flat surface with neither hiding places from nor obstacles to any predators apt to give chase. Even more so, it wouldn't go back and forth at a ridiculously unconcerned pace.

Naturally, it's the little dog that's the most feisty. And the most unrestrained by the dog walker. Not wearing a harness at all, just a collar. Oh, and a colorful little coat.

Bunny hops up. Which, if its wrangler wasn't too hare-brained, surely shoulda had in its contract actually being shot on its own separate film layer.

Littlest doggie jumps down. Well, of course it does. Spokeslady didn't even get the hint and tighten her grip on the little rascal when it uttered its first growly bark - which focused the attention of all the dogs on the bunny - before launching itself free of her hold. And as far as I could tell, she never had a leash in hand for it, either.)

And the chase is on. All except the biggest dog, who elects to play the role of slightly curious, slightly bored observer.

"No!" our entrepreneur hollers at the five dogs giving chase, "It's just a bunny!" As if they didn't already know. And as if knowing should give them pause to reconsider. "Calm down," she continues, as everyone reverses direction. Including where the biggest dog's attention is. She continues to harangue them through another direction change. But none respond even when she addresses them by name. (So they're not call responsive. And she doesn't know any calming techniques for them to possibly, or not, be responsive to.)

In a final act of idiocy, as only some of the dogs respond to the bunny's final change of direction, she gets tangled in the leashes, twists herself and them into a pretzel, and loses her balance. Her being flat on the boardwalk finally catches the dogs' attention away from the bunny - who I'm sure is glad to be forgotten as it heads back the way it originally came - and onto herself. Even though at this point she's not holding anyone's leash.

And wouldn't you know it, the littlest rascal comes back and "helps" her in doggy fashion by climbing up on her chest to sympathetically lick her face.

"Uhh," she says, "you're lucky you're so cute." Really? Having that incompetent a dog walker doesn't seem very lucky to me. Not lucky for the dogs and not lucky for their owners. But what do I know?

Oh wait, I DO know. Yeah, I'm definitely a cat person. But I have had three happy, well trained dogs in my life (one, Rex, a rescued singleton; the other two, Kint and Taff, littermates) and gotten along with many others (like, check out the three ""Dog Power" artiicles in the '19-'20 Abiding Blog archive page). And I've known dog walkers who know what they're doing. So I know she wasn't one of them.

On the other hand, just to give credit where credit is due, the dog actors were, in fact, well trained. Early on, the large dogs seem focused on the trainer stage right, and the smaller ones on the trainer stage left. And the littlest is mostly looking down, probably a combination of (a) not being comfortable in the arm hold and (b) watching for the "wild" critter it knows will soon be let loose (if some well-trained bunny isn't on a separate layer). Then, for safety's sake, the little dog doesn't actually participate in much of the melee. And the biggest dog is obviously trained to a different command protocol than the rest, as it spends the chase simply sitting and looking at the others go back and forth (actually looking at one trainer on command, then at the other when called to).

Oh, and one other commersh kudo. But you're going to have to go to this month's Abiding Blog to read about it. Trust me, it'll make sense when you get there.

*Actually, "bunny" - of which our chasee was an extremely well trained example - really means a baby rabbit. But most people use the word indiscriminately, not bothering to differentiate between juveniles and adults or even between rabbits and hares. In fact, of all things, Bugs Bunny - with his long ears, long hind legs, and gray coloring - is actually a hare.

P.S.  PROGRESS REPORT ON HIATUS TASKS:
1.  Keeping my promise to Rezvanieh to complete Anasazi Anthem.
     Progress has definitely not been as fast as I hoped, but it's been more or less steady. The draft manuscript is now one-third completed and online, and the eighth chapter is also about to be posted.
2.  Making several of my books available as e-books.
     My grandShoghi, the techie wizard in the family, is willing to help me accomplish this during his gap year between high school and college. I'll keep you updated.
3.  Working with Tom Ligon on the fourth novel in his new series.
     Tom's progress on the first of the novels has been adversely impacted by a major obstacle over which he has no control. We talked about a way I can help him get past that this year, and I'm all in on the support side.

email your feedback with ADDING INSULT and the entry date as the subject

BACK TO TOP

2023-01-02
Heads Up

It's time for me to take a big fork in the road. Turn my efforts to two, or possibly three, major writing projects:

= The first is keeping my promise to my spiritual mother, Rezvanieh, when she insisted that I must complete Anasazi Anthem. As you probably already know, I've published the prolog and four chapters. That leaves eighteen chapters and the epilog to go. I have the complete outline and tons of story notes, along with various supporting material. But all that does not a finished novel make. So I need to binge watch the show again, and then get on the ball with the real writing. I'll let you know as things progress.

= The second major task is responding to people who have asked me about making several of my books - most notably but not limited to Twigs of a Family Tree and (ah yes, another Andromeda-inspired tome) 2*4*7 - available as e-books. That's not as easy as it sounds. It also has to start with research into, for example, how best to Kindle-ize highly formatted material like poetry. I'll also keep you abreast of that progress.

= The third task is more iffy. I don't know whether it will fall (if it falls at all) after the first two tasks or between them. But it's an intriguing project. Tom Ligon has pretty much completed the first in a new series of (he hopes) four novels set in the universe of his two Analog novelettes: "El Dorado" (Nov 2007) and "Payback" (Jul/Aug 2009). As a result of an in-person brainstorming session last year, Tom has invited me to collaborate on the fourth novel if the series sells. That's obviously an offer I can't refuse. Needless to say, I'll brag about progress on that front, too.

All of that means, though, that much as I enjoy writing Adding Insult (and Abiding Blog), it now hasta take a back seat to these projects. So as of tomorrow, it's going on hiatus for part or all of 2023. Aphorisms & Memes, though, will continue to add weekly posters, since all 66 for 2023 were created in 2022 anyway. And I may send you the usual announcements, but quarterly instead of monthly.)

Still, you'll remember that I promised to write an average of one entry for every month this blog has existed. By the end of 2022, I needed at least 144 articles to keep that progress; so by end of 2023, it would need 156. But this is actually its 161st article, so taking up to a year off still won't mean missing my cumulative goal. If you're fairly new to this blog, that'll give you a lot of past articles to read for fun and info. And if you're a long-time reader, maybe you'll enjoy looking back at some of your favorites over the years, or even discovering one or two that you somehow missed. Just use the ToC in the rightbar to browse through the archives.

May 2023 be a safe, peaceful, productive, and fun year for you and yours. And please wish me luck on all three projects.

email your feedback with ADDING INSULT and the entry date as the subject

BACK TO TOP